my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize