please come you make the beer taste better
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
