I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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