I hate all girls vehemently.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
