it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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