I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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