grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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