As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
