Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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