How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize