I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Will exercising make me less horny?
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