I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
