NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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