She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
