So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
