when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
