its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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