So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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