Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
