Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
