Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
