I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
