u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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