I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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