when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
