It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
