The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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