my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
