Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
