I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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