one might say we're banned from that church
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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