i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
