Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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