all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
