Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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