you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
