i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
