im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
