If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My hand turned me down
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
