singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
