I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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