What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
