good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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