Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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