Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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