I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
