he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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