Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I look better un-naked...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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