He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
