Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i out mim tonsoeep
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