I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
