oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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