So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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