lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
