hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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