I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
