I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
