Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
