ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize