I think my fart just growled at me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
