I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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