Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
