I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
